niche kin appreciation 19: talk about how you express this kin

this kintype is mostly mental/behavioral; i also get phantom shifts but fewer than for my dragon kintype, which is my main one.

it expresses itself mostly when i interact with other people, because my social behaviors are different than those of normal people. i struggle with eye contact, body language, social cues… little things that should be innate for every human, but arent for me. this could be all explained by me being autistic of course, but for me my enderman-ness and my autism are literally one and the same; theres no line that separates them in my mind. for example, the fact that eye contact is uncomfortable for me could be due to my atypical neurochemistry, but also because it damages endermen in the game. both facts can be true for me; in fact, they actually have an additive effect on each other, feeding one another in an endless loop.

this kintype also expresses itself when im alone, because thats when my brain feels more comfortable, more like “myself”. when im with people, i feel pressured to mimic their behavior and appear “human” for them, because i know if i dont i will be marked as Other and ostracized. only when no ones around do i feel free to express my most natural behaviors, which coincidentally are also my nonhuman behaviors. i can just be an enderman in peace, without anyone forcing me to wear a human mask. when im alone, i can just be me.